NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Teoca, linda, dos olhos maravilhosos

aqui tambem muita chuva e etc apesar de ter amanhecido o maior solão.

acabo de chegar de fazer comprinhas sabadais: um mouse novo, já que o velho passou desta para a melhor; um cabo e um adaptador pra poder digitar sons provenientes do meu celular; pastas pra arquivar a contabilidade já que meu estoque de pastas se acabou. e como não encontro uma solução pros meus muitos cabos resolvi construir um porta-cabos com o monte de Lego que andei comprando.

uma delícia estarmos nos comunicando assim tão amiúde.

beijos do bom e velho > Ro

"... these are ugly and dangerous cars... they not merely shelter powerful engines and their powerful engineers - they shelter organic entities, hairy primates; they mate, become fecund and give visceral birth to their children and watch those children change radically in size in the sophistication of their endless demands; organic entities who grow older, more bent, more feeble, more deaf and who die and pass from the earth; there are no single and optimal engineering solutions for these multiplex, time-bound and degenerative aspects of human condition. When the house is finished the family dies."
- Bruce Sterling (on impermanence and viridian design)

"the word gravity comes from... grave... and therefore from death"
- Maya Draisin + Tiffany Shlain (on lightness and the webby awards)

'Volyendesta is a watery planet, with a large, rapidly circumgyrating moon afflicting its inhabitants with a vast variety of unstable moods; but the sheer effort needed to cope with these conditions has evolved a breed (partly originating, as you will recall, from the Volyen stock) able to withstand rapid changes of emotional condition while ostensibly succumbing to them. On my first visit to this planet I was disheartened by its inhabitants' violent reactions to everything, but soon came to see that these could be regarded, rather, as surface storms over a comparatively untouched interior. And I saw that a few of the inhabitants had even been able to use this condition of constant stimulation to evolve and strengthen inner calm.'
Doris Lessing, Documents Relating to the Sentimental Agents in the Volyen Empire, 1984.

Today is the last day that I'm using words
They've gone out, lost their meaning
Don't function anymore
...
Words are useless, especially sentences
They don't stand for anything
How could they explain how I feel

Traveling, traveling, I'm traveling
Traveling, traveling, leaving logic and reason
Traveling, traveling, I'm gonna relax
Traveling, traveling, in the arms of unconsciousness
...
And all that you've ever learned
Try to forget
I'll never explain again

CNET Music Center Dispatch
http://Music.CNET.com/
November 2, 2000
Vol. 1, No. 18

What a weird week it's been. First, Napster inks a deal with music giant Bertelsmann, potentially calling a cease-fire in the legal battles that plague the file-sharing giant. Then, Listen.com buys Scour, the embattled file-swapping site that declared bankruptcy just weeks ago. The strange thing about Listen.com's purchase is that the company has assured the Recording Industry Association of America that Scour's file-sharing service will be shut down.
So why buy the company's assets? Listen.com obviously has some intention of exploring digital music distribution, although we'll have to wait to see how and when. One thing's for sure: if you want to use Scour, you better get in before the door closes.

*** Penguin-toppling claims studied
LONDON (AP) - Royal Air Force pilots have long been ridiculed, but remain adamant: fly above a penguin colony, they say, and the curious birds topple over like dominos as they stare up at the aircraft. Now, British scientists are traveling to the Falkland Islands to settle the debate once and for all. British Antarctic Survey researchers plan to spend one month aboard the HMS Endurance studying the phenomenon, which Royal Air Force pilots first recorded during the 1982 Falklands War with Argentina. They claim the penguins crane their heads back so far to watch planes and helicopters buzzing overhead that they lose their balance and tip over. "The penguins
always look up at the helicopters flying over - and follow them all the way until they fall backward," said Stuart Matthews, operations officer on the HMS Endurance. "Some environmentalists now want to limit flights. We are going out to investigate."


*** Listen.com wants Scour assets
LOS ANGELES (AP) - Internet music site Listen.com has offered to buy the technology assets of Scour Inc. for $5 million in cash and more than 500,000 shares of stock. Los Angeles-based Scour distributes a file-sharing program that offers access to music and video files, including movie trailers and allegedly illegal copies of full-length films. The company triggered a lawsuit in July brought by every major Hollywood studio and ultimately led Scour to file for bankruptcy protection. The offer to buy Scour's assets was approved by the
boards of both companies. It still has to be approved by U.S. Bankruptcy Court in Los Angeles. According to the agreement, filed with the court Wednesday, San Francisco-based Listen.com will buy Scour's file-sharing technology and computer equipment. Scour had attracted high-profile investors, including Michael Ovitz, a former agent and president of the Walt Disney Co., but the lawsuit scared away additional investors.

BERTELSMANN AND NAPSTER FORM STRATEGIC ALLIANCE
Will Establish Industry Accepted Community for File Sharing
Invite Others in Music Industry to Participate

from RedHerring:
So what will new users get for $4.95 a month? Andreas Schmidt, president of BECG, said during Tuesday's press conference that users will get high-quality digital downloads, instead of files originating from users, which range in quality from high to lousy.

it is truly the most wonderful word ever invented
the only major consolation for being scottish
i've even got a poem about it somewhere